Having Children

A topic I have given a lot of thought to recently. Especially after my nephew was born 2 years ago.

I have been waiting for my broodiness to settle in and I am surprised to discover that it hasn’t.

Growing up, society has conditioned us to believe that our purpose in life is to become successful in a chosen career and to get married and have children.

There is not much said about having a job that you love regardless of the lack of status and about getting married and having children.

My friend’s mother is constantly on at her about the 2 of us finding a husband and settling down. We tell her that we are going on holiday and her response is: “That sounds lovely, but you should be out there looking for a man”

I would love to get married to the person who I feel is right for me, I will never settle in order to avoid being a spinster.

Since my nephew was born, I have realised 2 things:

1. I don’t have to feel guilty for depriving my parents of being grandparents. They are amazing with Noah and I love watching how my mom especially has changed in her strictness between being a parent and a grandparent.
2. I have a child in my life. I enjoy being the awesome aunt who gets to blow bubbles with him and tickle him to death and kick the ball outside with him. I will always be in his life as he grows up.

I am also not totally ruling out the possibility of perhaps changing my mind about having children. I have however decided that should I want children, they must come naturally.

I have watched 1 too many times the stress that fertility treatment adds to a relationship – regardless of how strong that relationship is – and I will not subject myself to that.

IVF and AI do not deliver 100% results and the added stress is detrimental to all the treatments. I believe that everything happens for a reason and this is 1 of those situations where I believe that it will work out the way it should.

And heaven forbid I become 1 of those people who bitch and moan about being pregnant, tired and fat, but post a photo online smiling widely every second day and then after the baby is born complain that I miss my “pregnancy glow”

You have my permission to show me this blog post and then bitch slap me.

And I promise never to whip it out in your presence and breastfeed the baby. EVER.

From Married Mother to Independent Woman

Chantelle 17 years old:

Life plan:

Personal life:

Check list of my ideal guy:

• Good sense of humour
• Successful job – corporate type of guy
• Soft-hearted
• Slightly shy
• Slightly jealous so that I know he loves me
• Willing to share a bank account & pool our salaries for household expenses
• Speak a few times each day
• Wants to spend lots of time with me
• Must love sports – cricket and rugby
• Blue/Green eyes
• Dark hair

Married at 25

1st Child by 28

2nd Child by 31

Career:

Top of my chosen profession – Chartered Accountant

Dressing in Power Suits

Happily Ever After?

Chantelle at 32:

Personal Life:

Check list of my ideal guy:

• Good sense of humour
• Get on well with my parents & friends
• Fulfilling job, whatever makes him happy as long as he is solvent
• Strong enough personality to handle mine
• Not afraid to tell me when I am over-reacting
• A good listener & a good communicator
• Not jealous at all, I have too many guy friends to have to go through that conversation
• Someone who understands my independence and does not see it as me being untrusting or cold
• Understands the demands of my job
• Must have his own interests outside of mine and not expect to do everything together
• Flexible – Open to new ideas and plans
• Love to travel and want to explore the world as much as I do
• Mustn’t be a HUGE sports fan who insists on watching every single game, I am not willing to be a golf-widow or a sports widow
• Any colour eyes
• Any hair except ginger – sorry, I don’t mean to offend anybody, but ginger hair and my skin colour would just not go

Married: No – Marriage is not as easy as I always thought. As I watch a variety of marriages around me falling apart, I think I might’ve been 1 of those had I gotten married at 25. As you can tell me ideal man list has grown, however, it also shows how much better I know myself and what I wan tin a man and I am honest enough to understand that a relationship requires hard work, trust and communication.

I have changed so much in my 20’s and I have had the best time in my 20’s. Dating a variety of different types of men (& boys) If I had settled down, I would never have known which type of guy was my ideal guy & I would have settled for the wrong type – a soft guy whose life revolves around me. I would have eaten him up, spat him out and walked all over him. Before dinner time.

I am not an easy person, especially when I am under alot of stress. and I need someone to put me in my place occasionally. Tell me I am being full of Sh!t or tell me to calm down.

On the up side, I am a very loving & caring person when you know that side of me.

I am passionate, feisty and a fast thinker. I can’t think that a person would ever be bored with me.

I like to plan ahead, but I also love spontaneity from someone, where I don’t always have to be the planner.

Children: No – The jury is still out on this one, I am not sure if I do want children. Everybody tells me that when the right person comes along I will change my mind, but I am just not sure about that. I know myself well enough to know that I am too selfish with my time. I am also too impatient. Children are hard work. Do I want that? I don’t think so.

Career:

Top of my new chosen profession – Marketing & Design (Accountant – way too boring for me)

Dressing in anything BUT power suits (I hate power-suits)

Moral of the Story:

• Never plan your life at 17 – you have no idea who or what you will become and how your ideals and goals can change.
• Life is a journey, enjoy the ride and do what makes you happy.
• Life is too short to do what everyone else expects from you.
• Never stop chasing your Happily Ever After