Singledom…

…has it’s perks.

 

 

1. I can make plans with my friends at the drop of a hat and not worry about dinner
2. I can flirt with the cute guy & if I want to, I can kiss him in wildly in public & take him home & make memories that will live with me forever. (actually I wish this happened more often)
3. I can eat cereal for dinner if I feel like it
4. I can sleep late and wake when i want to
5. I can spend all evening on my PC if I like
6. I can give my 2 cats my undivided attention
7. I can stick pretty butterfly stickers on my wall

 

All this is great – yet I have to admit that it seems to be getting a bit old. Probably because I do not have as much of Point 2 as I would like to.

 

So having MC here for the wedding was a peak into what married life would be like:

• Wake up in the morning and while one makes the coffee, the other makes the bed.
• Drive to work and chat about plans for that night and dinner.
• Spend time in the kitchen having tickle fights while dinner is being cooked and then afterwards sitting outside on the patio with a glass of wine chatting about all sorts of things while giving the cats love.

MC is a quiet guy, but he has something about him that make people love him instantly.

 

Since he left, my work colleagues have not stopped talking about him & want him to come to our christmas party on Saturday and then want me to make him stay, even the tea-lady thinks he is nice and should be my husband. My sister-in-law wants me to marry him.

The minute I load it as my Facebook profile pic, a friend writes and wants to know about him

A stranger from school whom I have had no contact with for years, sees his photo and says I must find a man and why not him.

 

I would tend to agree where it not for our very strange past. MC and I hit it off since the very beginning & yet we have never managed to quite start a proper relationship or even a proper fling.

 

He drove the hormones nuts every single day he was here, yet it never felt like it was right to make a move on him.

 

MC remained an absolute gentleman, even when my bathtowel slipped and he almost got an eyeful of fat backside (courtesy of my absence from the gym for the past 6 weeks)

 

I would love to make a proper go of it, but I don’t want a long distance relationship, so perhaps it is just not right to start anything that we will just hurt us both.

For all I know, he feels nothing for me anyway and then this whole post is just a story about 1 sided attraction.

 

That would just be embarrassing wrong!

 

  

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Action? YES PLEASE

I am a bad girl with standards

MC kindly accompanied me to the wedding (pictures to follow) & is here for a couple of days.

He has still not made a move & for once I find myself being extremely shy.

I am not sure whether or not to make a move on him. I would hate there to be an awkward vibe between us if he is not interested.

Right: I am cracking open the wine tonight – maybe it will be good for both of us.

1 seduction on it’s way……

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Men!

After QT & I ended it, we kinda hooked up again occasionally for a movie and a bit of action.

That dwindled off as he got into the party scene with his friends again (he is only 22 after all) & as I found out on Facebook the other day – he is also “ina relationship” but it is complicated.

I started my mini “thing” with Cutie (also 22) & soon broke it off when I realised I was going nowhere with it.

Let’s be honest – you need true passion if you are going to be with someone – and that is something that is sorely lacking in my life at the moment.

MC has let me down and I am currently debating whether or not to cut him out of my life once and for all.

He came up with a great idea to go away for our birthdays because we are a week apart. I loved the idea and did some research into possible accommodations.

I have always wanted to stay in the cutest little treehouses which also boast a private jacuzzi bath in another little tree linked by a walkway.

The treehouses are along the Midlands Meander, and because MC is from that area, I would fly to him and we could drive there.

It is a bit pricey, but I am prepared to stay there a night or 2 and spend the rest of the week at his place where we can laze about and watch dvds and eat popcorn.

I am still waiting for him to commit to anything. Seriously?!

It p!sses me off that this was his idea to begin with & now he just ignores me when I ask him what is happening.

A night or 2 is not too hard on the pocket- surely a night or 2 is not unrealistic if he had considered what budget he would need for a week away.

I have pretty much given him an ultimatum on the holiday – but I have now decided that the ultimatum will extend to our friendship/relationship as well.

I will not be messed around by anybody – he has a few days to give me his decision & if I hear nothing from him, then that is over.

I am crazy about him. But I am not crazy

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I miss you MC

You seem to know exactly.

You might just be the thing that calms my mind and satisfies my body

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What happened to MC?

We still talk on the phone & he is still 1 of the best listeners I know.

Recently I had to make a big decision because I was seeing QT and I was chatting to MC every night & it was giving me sleepless nights… until the both discovered this Blog.

I must admit that the relief was huge!

Both men handled the situation so well – atesting to the fact that they are both indeed fine, upstanding men that I am very fortunate to have in my life.

I decided to give it a proper go with QT and MC and I had a chat about it.

MC is not in the right place and he needs time to get over his break up without pressure from me. When he is over it, we go from there (of course this is all dependent on where QT and I are at that stage)

My 1 real dilemma lies in the fact that realistically QT and I dont have a future together… yet I LOVE being with him and he makes me so incredibly happy!

Why would I want that to end?

So MC invited me to go and visit him in his new place over his birthday.

Obviosuly I want to go and see him – but I cannot possibly put QT in a situation like that.

If the roles were reversed I am sure MC would not like me doing that to him.

QT and I are planning to go to Ballito over my birthday and I want to visit MC while we are there.

MC and QT are friends and I dont want to stand in the way of that and also MC has had a tough time lately.

I think he needs the company and it will do him good to have some friends around as well.

I promised him that as a friend I would always be there, and I dont intend to break that promise – especially now when I get the feeling that he needs a friend. 

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It’s complicated!

I have nearly lost my mind a few times these past few weeks.

How I am holding onto my sanity – is beyond me.

Between finding a place to stay and then moving in at the very last minute to an uninhabitable place, to my (ex) house mate being downright rude to me on move out day, to work being an absolute nightmare.

The situation between MC & QT has been playing on my mind alot and all came to a head the other night.

Let me just state for the record that QT is unbelievable.

This man is awesome and I cant say enough how I wish he was older.

I had a bad week last week and the only thing that got me through it was QT. He is quitely supportive and oh so sweet.

I have been considering putting a holt on my relationship whatever you want to call it with MC. There is not much going on besides our conversations.

Yet I cant break the hold he seems to have on me. I cant imagine my life without MC.

QT was never supposed to be any more than wishful thinking on my side, then when we hooked up, I thought it was a flash in the pan.

Now I know it isn’t.

I want QT in my life always – I guess deep down I know nothing will ever come of it because of he age gap – yet I hope to be there to watch him grow into the amazing man I know he is destined to become.

I am jealous of the girl who will get him 1 day.

I have been so worried about QT getting hurt – so when he told me he knew – I was devastated that he might be hurt and then so relieved when he seemed ok with it.

He then asked me to be his girlfriend – oh man how I wish I could say yes!

But that just gives me more of a chance to hurt him – and I am avoiding that all costs!

So instead I have now changed my status on Facebook – “its complicated”

That sums it up!

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Checking in

What a rollercoaster ride lately!
I must say I have been missing my Blogging  – these are my therapy sessions!

So much has been happening, so let me fill you in…

QT, what a sweetie pie. He is an absolute gentlemen and has such a good heart.

We all slept over at RaceCar and AC the other night – and QT and I stayed up chatting. And he kissed me.
Now as much as I have been attracted to him, I never imagined ever making a move to kiss him – oh yes, he is 21!
But let me tell you – this Cutie Pie can kiss!

I was blown away! and he tickles you as he kisses, and I am a sucker for kisses and tickles!

We have chatted about how we want such different things in life – his dating life holds so much more still to come! I have dated and I am ready to settle down.
So we have agreed to take it a day at a time and see where we end up.

He makes me feel sexy and I love spending time with him.

Yes I have a Toy Boy! *Grin*

MC…

I cannot tell you how well things have been going with him.
I am getting impatient though – I realise he has so much to work through and I need to be patient, but it is difficult – especially considering I want him!

On Friday we had our usual daily chat and i said how I was not looking forward to Valentines Day. MC hates VDay, he says that it is a commercial holiday designed to make money, blah blah blah.
I told him it is a chance toshow someone you care, without the need to buy expensive presents.
So he says to me, I should fly to Durban and visit him.
I decided to be spontaneous and thought – what the hell?

Hopped on a plane on Saturday and went to Durban!
He fetched me from the airport and took me to the hotel – he had booked us in to a hotel on the beachfront!

We had champagne, chocolates and fudge and I gave him a massage which turned into some action!
He took me around and showed me all the places he has been talking about over the last months and now I have an idea of what his life is like.

Late Sunday night I was back in Jhb – back to reality.

MC still has so much to work through- I was exactly where he is this time last year – so I know how he feels.

But a small part of me cant help but want him to realise that  I am the one for him.
Surely this should help him to feel better?

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Exciting Developments

For the past 2 nights I have been on the phone with MC until midnight – not discussing the ex, just everything else.

We are laughing like schoolkids, and getting to know each other.

This is the MC I know from the wedding, this is the MC I am losing my heart to!

He seems to be handling the breakup alot better and says my speeches have helped him.

Without sounding arrogant, I give very good advice on relationships – because I have had a few doozies myself and I always like to analyse them and look at the lesson I can take from all the bad experiences.

And I enjoy giving advice if it means I can help people.

The more I talk to him, the more I realise that he is the type of guy that is right for me.

I ask him all sorts of curveball questions and he has answered them so well.

I like to aks crazy questions like: What would you like engraved on your tombstone when you die?

The answer would say alot about a person and how they would liek to be remembered.

MC even ased me when I am coming to visit him in Durban.

We are making progress – I am taking it slow because he still has alot to get over, but I am hoping this is the beginning of great things to come!

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Heartaches & Breakups & Work all SUCK!

Same shit different day!

I am so not cut out for this working thing!

Anyway – moving on…

My friend Tee has recently broken up with her boyfriend of 2 weeks, a week ago.

And she is handling it so badly.

Crying all day, wanting to call him and beg him to take her back, wanting to cancel our weekend plans because she says she will not be good company.

They have almost been apart as long as they were together!

I am struggling to be a supportive friend.

I check on her every day to see how she is doing and I keep her occupied and I sms her when she is having a weak moment.

But when do I get tough?

I can understand heartache – I have that with MC.

I have been giving him advice on his breakup, and I have a while to go before he gets over the break up.

I hope I don’t help him find himself and help him see how amazing he is just in time to meet another woman!

Oh Gees –  that would be my luck!

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News Flash

MC called me on Friday.

I was shockd & slightly tipsy at the time of his call – & it was amazing to hear his voice again  even if he is suffering with the flu.

SO being slightly tipsy I asked him why he is calling me after his non answer answered my sms.

He replied he thinks I am silly because I should know that he likes hearing from me and he has been thinking of me alot. (Darn my crystal ball must be on the blink again)

He said that he is going through a tough time with his breakup and I need to give him some time. WHich I can appreciate and he did tell me the last day he was here.

I am glad he called me though and he said i must pick up the phone if i want to chat to him – and he told me I can call him on Sat if I like – which i did.

He called me today again to tell me that he has seen his ex twice but they are not getting back together.

Thy had a huge fight today because of some pictures I posted on FB and tagged him in – all innocent party pictures mind you.

So for an hour I lectured him on how she has no rights to comment on anything in his life anymore because she is not a part of his life anymore.

I told him to maintain his dignity and stop thinking about her and how much she is hurting, he needs to get himself right now. he told me she is bad for him – there is no way i am letting him get back together with her!

Reason 1: She sounds like she was really bad for him – any woman who take all your self confidence away from you is bad news.

Reason 2: I want him.

MC is an amazing guy and I am not passing up the opportunity to be with him.

And I will not let a woman ruin the person I know he is.

This is my mission.

I saw a Falling Star on Saturday and made a wish – a part of that wish is that MC would be happy – the other part was that he and I would get together (& that would make me happy and it would make him happy!)

Can anyone see my Stupid Grin? Yes… MC called me!! (Insert flashing hearts coming out of my eyes)

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